Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
