i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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