There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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