every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
