how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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