i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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