Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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