yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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