Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
