apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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