I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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