I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
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i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize