i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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