This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
