I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
