omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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