The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
