brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
