Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I cut my penus on the lid.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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