I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He kissed a someone with a penis
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
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we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
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