i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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