Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
