You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
