I wannas sexs uuuuu
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
