Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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