i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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