Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
