Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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