Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
