so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
