I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
