I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
