i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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