Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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