he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
