You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
