They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
