I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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