im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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