ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
