the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
