my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
