Don't you send me to vm
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
