I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
