I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
grandma shit on top of the toilet
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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