don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We left the knife in your bed.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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