dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize