To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
