he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
