Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
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I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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