i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
