Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
