My friends, they love my intelligence
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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