i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
