just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
