This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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