These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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