When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
