dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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