btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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