I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?