I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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