i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
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I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
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Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night