so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
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Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
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Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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