He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's blow job season.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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