He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
