Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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