She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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