It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
