Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
