I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I AM VODKA MAN
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
