he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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