It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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