wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
