just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
