Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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