I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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