He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
