I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
