I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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