Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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