I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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